In today’s culture, dating is often presented as a way to get—to get attention, get affirmation, or get someone who will meet all of our needs. But as Christians, we know love is not about grasping or taking. Love is self-giving. It’s a reflection of Christ’s sacrifice for us, a total gift of self rooted in truth and virtue.

When it comes to dating, this means shifting the mindset from “What can I get out of this relationship?” to “How can I love in a way that draws both of us closer to God?”

Dating with Intention

Being intentional in dating requires clarity. Instead of drifting from one casual relationship to another, we pause and ask:

• What virtues am I looking for in a future spouse?

• How does this person live out faith, integrity, and compassion in daily life?

• Am I choosing someone who will help me become more of who God created me to be?

These questions protect us from getting swept away by surface-level attraction or temporary compatibility. They keep us focused on the deeper foundation that sustains a lifelong, Christ-centered marriage.

Self-Giving vs. Self-Emptying

It’s important to clarify: self-giving does not mean losing yourself or tolerating harmful behavior. Christ gave His life freely, but never in a way that denied His dignity or truth. True self-giving honors both your worth and the worth of the other person.

In dating, self-gift looks like:

• Listening attentively and valuing the other’s experiences.

• Offering encouragement and support without expecting something in return.

• Practicing patience and chastity out of reverence for the other’s soul.

• Being honest, even when the truth is difficult.

It’s about bringing your authentic self, grounded in Christ, and offering it freely to another—someone who can receive and reciprocate that gift in a healthy, holy way.

Virtues as the Compass

Virtues are the compass that keep us on course in relationships. Consider how these play out in dating:

• Faith: Does this person put God first and invite me to do the same?

• Prudence: Do they make wise decisions in their daily life and relationships?

• Justice: Do they treat others (and me) with fairness and respect?

• Temperance: Do they practice self-control and balance, especially in areas of emotion and desire?

• Fortitude: Do they show courage and perseverance through challenges?

When we choose based on virtues rather than just chemistry or convenience, we are aligning ourselves with the kind of love that can endure.

The Call to Discernment

Dating is not just about compatibility; it’s about discernment. Each interaction is an opportunity to ask:
“Lord, is this the person You are calling me to journey with toward heaven?”

Discernment involves prayer, wise counsel, and honest reflection. It means paying attention not just to how someone makes you feel in the moment, but how being with them shapes your heart and soul. Do they inspire you to pray more, to grow in patience, to seek holiness? Or do they lead you away from God’s peace?

Practical Ways to Date with Self-Giving Love

Pray before and after dates. Ask God to guide your heart and help you see the other person through His eyes.

Set boundaries that protect dignity. Chastity and respect are forms of self-giving because they honor the good of the other.

Communicate honestly. Don’t mislead or keep someone guessing—clarity is a gift of love.

Look for service. Pay attention to how your date serves others. Self-giving love shows itself in everyday actions.

Practice gratitude. Even if the relationship doesn’t continue, thank God for what you learned through that person.

Closing Thought

Dating is not a consumer activity; it is a sacred process of self-giving. When we choose intentionally—guided by virtue and grounded in prayer—we prepare our hearts for the kind of love that mirrors Christ: a love that sacrifices, a love that sanctifies, a love that lasts.

True love is not found by chance; it is built by virtue, discernment, and the grace of God.