Dating as a Christian today can feel confusing, frustrating, or even exhausting. With so many voices, apps, and expectations surrounding relationships, how do we make wise decisions when it comes to love?

That’s where Ignatian discernment becomes a powerful spiritual tool.

Rooted in the wisdom of St. Ignatius of Loyola, Ignatian discernment helps us make choices not out of pressure or fear—but out of prayer, peace, and alignment with God’s will. It’s especially helpful for singles who are serious about pursuing a holy, intentional relationship that leads toward marriage.

What is Ignatian Discernment?

At its core, Ignatian discernment is about noticing how God is moving in your heart. St. Ignatius taught that God often speaks through our desires, our peace (or lack thereof), and our emotional movements—what he called consolation and desolation.

• Consolation draws us closer to God, gives us clarity, peace, and purpose.

• Desolation is an experience that pulls us away from God, often marked by confusion, anxiety, or spiritual dullness. It’s important to remember these are feelings—not the truth.

When you are discerning who to date—or whether to move forward in a relationship—these movements matter, significantly.

Discernment Questions for Dating

If you’re a Christian single discerning love, here are some prayerful questions inspired by Ignatian spirituality:

Does this relationship bring me peace or anxiety?
Pay attention to your spirit—not just your emotions. Do you feel closer to God when you’re with this person?

Am I becoming more fully myself?
A holy relationship should help you become more who God created you to be—not shrink you.

Is this person helping me grow in virtue?
Look for someone who encourages patience, kindness, purity, joy, humility, and truth—not just attraction or comfort.

Can I see myself choosing this person every day—even when the feelings fade?
Ignatian discernment emphasizes freedom in love. Do you feel free to choose this person with clarity, or are you driven by fear, loneliness, or pressure?

When I imagine life with this person, do I feel God’s presence there?
Imagining your future together in prayer can offer insight. Peace is often a sign of alignment with God’s will. All relationships have challenges, but experiencing peace in the midst of them is what truly matters.

Key Ignatian Principles for Dating

• Spiritual Freedom – You must be free to choose someone out of love, not out of fear or desperation.

• Patience in Desolation – If you’re feeling lost or unclear, wait. Don’t make major decisions in spiritual fog.

• Trust God’s Timing – God is not in a rush. Discernment takes time and trust.

Final Encouragement

God desires your good. He’s not hiding His will from you. Ignatian discernment reminds us that God leads through peace, freedom, and clarity. If a relationship is truly from Him, you won’t have to force it.

So as you date, remember: you’re not alone. Invite God into every part of your journey—your hopes, fears, and questions. He cares deeply about your future, your heart, and your desire for a love that reflects His own.

Ultimately, the point of marriage is to grow in holiness and become the version of yourself that God wants you to be.
It’s not just about happiness, security, or romance (though those can be beautiful fruits).
It’s about sanctification—a journey of love that draws you closer to Christ.

Discern slowly. Love intentionally. Trust fully

Interested in a structured guided dating discernment program inspired by Ignatian Spirituality or faith-based matchmaking? Reach out to Monica Braun at Soul to Soul Coaching for 1:1 support rooted in faith and virtue. 💛