The Importance of Authenticity

As a single person, it is significantly important to show up as yourself because it allows your dates to see you for who you actually are, rather than an image of who you are, so they can discern more fully if you are the right fit for them. Also, when you show up as yourself, it allows your date to understand you more deeply and have the ability to connect with you more deeply, as well. Living authentically will also bring you more joy and freedom to express yourself fully.

What is Authentic Masculinity?

For starters, every person has masculine and feminine energy. It’s only when a man takes on the feminine in a relationship that can become problematic because this will lead to the woman being pushed to the masculine role, or the one who is leading the relationship. This can lead to resentment and can stall the relationship before it has an opportunity to begin.

To continue, Authentic masculinity calls men to take their “masks” off and stand in their true authenticity. Often times the ego mind shields us from being our true selves. The ego stems from doubt, analyzing, separation, and inadequacy. When you are aware of these mental traps and intentionally choose authenticity and vulnerability consistently, then you will ultimately be immersing yourself in authentic masculinity. By doing so, you will be able to truly connect with others without false perceptions based on ego, but rather on the truth of who you are.

What Masculine Energy Is Not

Masculine Energy is not being forceful, aggressive, or rude. It doesn’t necessarily fit into the “cultural idea”of masculinity (drinking beer, watching football etc). Expressing your masculinity is evident through authenticity and avoids the need to have to prove yourself to others or dominate them.

How to Apply Masculine Energy in Relationships:

Below are examples that demonstrate the true, masculine, authentic self and are based on love, not fear:

-Ask her out on a date!

Take a leap of faith and ask her out. If she rejects you, at least you know she is not the one and you can move on. Remind yourself that rejection means redirection and trust that you are one step closer to meet the woman who is right for you.

-Lead the conversation: Ask intentional questions and truly listen to her response. 

Plan dates thoughtfully: For example: Instead of saying “What do you want to do?” Ask instead: “I know of this great ice cream place I’d love to take you to.” This will work even better if she likes ice cream!

-Lead the relationship by healthy pacing: Transition from text to video calls, video calls to in person dates, dating to meeting her parents etc. If you are not sure what steps to take, check in with her and ask.

Continue to lead throughout your relationship: Even as you grow more comfortable with her you should still lead! It is important for you to be authentic to yourself and to her. For example: if she brings up a topic you don’t feel comfortable discussing yet, then let her know. 

-Court her and make her feel special: Give her compliments based on her personality,  plan romantic and fun dates, give thoughtful gifts etc.

The gifts don’t have to be expensive, a simple card or bottle of wine will work just fine.

-Trust your intuition: Take time to sit and silence and pray. Where is the Lord leading you? Lead in faith.

-Be Vulnerable: Be honest and let her know how you feel.

Masculine Body Language

Give Eye Contact: Look in her eyes and be confident.

Posture: Sit back and relax. Pull shoulders back and pull shoulders down to add definition to your chest.

Take a Deep Breath: Pause if you don’t know what to say. Slow down.

Be Still: Don’t fidget! Be present and mindful. Plant your feet to the ground. Don’t be distracted by the phone or anything for that matter. Stay attuned to her.

Smile: Show your teeth and have fun!

Reflection Questions