“It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen” — Brene Brown, the Gifts of Imperfection


The Importance of Authenticity

As a single person, it is significantly important to show up as yourself because it allows your dates to see you for who you actually are, rather than an image of who you are, so they can discern more fully if you are the right fit for them. Also, when you show up as yourself, it allows your date to understand you more deeply and have the ability to connect with you more deeply, as well.

There is an Asian pottery technique called Kintsugi which means “golden repair.” When a ceramic gets broken, it is glued together and afterward, the broken pieces are highlighted rather than hidden- in order to see the art of seeing beauty in the imperfections. This adds to the aesthetic beauty, instead of taking away from it. Rumi said that “there is a crack in everything, that is where the light comes in.”

Similar to this Asian technique, we are all broken or wounded in some way. The scars make us unique, strengthen our resolve, and give us the lessons which shape our lives. In turn, these lessons help to build us towards that which we are supposed to become. This is a beautiful gift. It takes great courage to show up and be authentically yourself.

What is Authentic Femininity?

For starters, every person has masculine and feminine energy. It’s only when a woman takes on the masculine in a relationship that can become problematic because this will lead to the man being pushed to the feminine role, or the one who is the follower. This can lead to resentment and can stall the relationship before it has an opportunity to begin.

Authentic femininity calls women to take their “masks” off and stand in their true authenticity. Often times the ego mind shields us from being our true selves. The ego stems from doubt, analyzing, separation, and inadequacy. When you are aware of these mental traps and intentionally choose authenticity and vulnerability consistently, then you will ultimately be immersing yourself in authentic femininity. By doing so, you will be able to truly connect with others without false perceptions based on ego, but rather on the truth of who you are.

Below are examples that demonstrate the true, feminine, authentic self and are based on love, not fear:

  • Holding your strength on the inside without feeling the need to push it onto men.
  • Being gentle.
  • Leaning into flexibility to the natural pace of the relationship.
  • Being vulnerable and keeping an open heart (vulnerability is true power).
  • Connecting to your body. Are you relaxed? Are you smiling?
  • Practicing present moment awareness.
  • Slowing down and moving gracefully.
  • Receiving positive attention and compliments.

Being in your feminine energy is a relaxed, easier, and calmer way to live (and date) without adding pressure on the desired outcome. This allows you to be at peace and feel free from stress and anxiety. This will also provide you with a more patient mindset. Often times, men will notice your calm demeanor and be attracted to it. It will also empower them to lead the relationship more as well.

Marianne Williamson, bestselling author and speaker, refers to feminine energy as a magnet. The magnet is still but attracts whatever is in its magnetic field. As such, it doesn’t force things to come to it that are not naturally intended for it. Thus, there is power in stillness, letting things be as they are. This also demonstrates faith in providence and God’s plan- that whatever is meant for you will be yours. 

Consequently, this gives off a non-reactive energy which helps men become attracted and emotionally connected to you. Additionally, through active listening – or listening intently – you will allow your guy to be himself without the pressure of feeling judged or criticized, as well. 

What is fear-lead, Masculine Energy?

Masculine behaviors “masks” the authentic, feminine self and are based on fear, rather than love. When you take on masculine behavior, it is usually because you are avoiding vulnerability. For example, you may not feel comfortable in silence so you rush the conversation, say things impulsively that you don’t mean or regret later, or are not fully present in the conversation because we are uncomfortable with uncertainty.  However, being comfortable in your skin is true power.

Below are some examples of fear-lead, masculine behaviors:

  • Taking too much action without letting the man lead.
  • Feeling the need to “achieve” in the relationship, similar to a career.
  • Forcing a relationship, which can push away love instead of attracting it naturally.
  • Steering the direction and pace of a relationship.
  • Being emotionally closed off.
  • Having too much anxiety/stress in your mind and body, and not being present.

Ways to activate your authentic Feminine Energy

Also, Williamson says that if you work all day, it is important to activate your feminine energy before you see your guy because chances are, you are in your masculine state. It takes some time and effort to make a shift and embody your feminine self so you can emanate a more feminine way of being.

You should activate this energy thirty minutes before your date to help your nervous system become calmer and more tranquil. Women are the emotional leaders of relationships, so it is imperative to connect with yourself and feel grounded, first and foremost.

Below are some ways to help you activate your feminine energy:

  • Meditate
  • Listen to music
  • Take a hot shower/bubble bath
  • Relax/Take a nap
  • Dance
  • Enrich yourself with things you enjoy, such as reading or enjoying the arts
  • Practice self-care, such as treating yourself to getting your nails done or getting a message

The Blessed Mother, an Example of the Divine Feminine

A beautiful example of the divine feminine is Mary, the Mother of God. She surrendered and trusted in God’s plan, which signified her true strength. She exemplified this when the angel appeared to her to tell her of the coming of Jesus. She replied, “I am the Lord’s servant… May it happen to me according to thy word.”

She also followed her husband, Joseph, and trusted in his protection, as she traveled to Bethlehem on a donkey, nine months pregnant. When she became the Mother of God, she was endowed with grace that was shown through being nurturing, motherly, sensitive, intuitive, and compassionate. She also exemplified the ultra-feminine strength and emotional strength when she endured her son dying on the cross. As a woman, you can always look to Mary as a symbol for how to truly trust in providence and be comforted in the mercy and love of God.

Practice is Power

Practicing present moment awareness will help you choose the way forward from a place of true, authentic living. The more you practice, the easier it will get. However, it is important to give yourself self compassion when you fall back into hold habits. This is a life long practice and self acceptance and grace will help your journey.


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