We have heard the song “Toxic” by Britney Spears. This can lead us to think of a fun, pop, musical rhythm that makes you want to shake it on the dance floor. However, from my experience, “Toxic” can mean something much different.
In my book entitled From Toxic to Soulmate, I use the term “Toxic” as a way to describe a man who is like poison.
Glamour Magazine states that, “Toxic is often defined as poisonous and deadly. Being in a toxic relationship is like taking a shot of battery acid every day. The drink itself burns, but the single dose isn’t enough to kill you. It’s only after weeks or months of this poisonous diet that you realize you’ve destroyed your stomach lining and your faith in love.
In all seriousness, science has shown that being in a toxic relationship can lead to real health problems. For example, it can cause disturbed sleep to an increased risk of heart failure. So, avoid the emotional and physical turmoil by identifying a toxic relationship, so you can get the heck out of it.”
Signs of a Toxic Man
So, ladies what are the signs of a toxic man? How do you know if a man is actually toxic? Especially, before you begin dating?
Well, here are some signs that you can start looking for right away. Even as early as your first few dates.
Pay close attention because some signs are not that obvious, and instead, extremely subtle.
Dr. Gloria Brame, award-winning sex therapist and best-selling author says, “Learning the verbal/behavioral signs of an abusive/narcissistic personality is a critical learning skill for everyone who dates.”
Time Magazine recommends avoiding the obvious signs of violence, abuse, harassment. Other red flags they recommend avoiding are: general unhappiness, a feeling that the bad outweighs the good when you spend time with him, negative shifts in your mental health, personality, or self-esteem, feeling a consistent amount of nervousness when you are with him, and concerns from family and friends when and if they meet him.
Glamour Magazine has a list of toxic signs to identify when you first begin dating a man. Look out for red flags such as: dread at the thought of meeting family and see it only as an unnecessary obligation, using texting as a form of manipulation, he wants to control how you spend your time, he make you feel dumb by talking down to you, embarrassing you, and/or calling you names, and pressures you for a physical relationship of any kind.
Just remember ladies, you know yourself best. When you begin dating, ask yourself how it feels.
Then run away, and fast!